• A fearful man who knows he is fearful is far more trustable than a fearful man who isn't aware of his fear. And a fearful man who still leans into his fear, living at his edge and putting his gift out from there, is more trustworthy and more inspirational than a fearful man who hangs back in the comfort zone, unwilling to even experience his fear on a day to day level.
• You should always listen to your woman, and then make your own decision. If you choose to go with your woman's suggestion even when deep in your heart you feel that another decision is more wise, you are, in effect, saying, "I don't trust my own wisdom." You are weakening yourself by telling yourself this. You are weakening your woman's trust in you: why should she trust your wisdom if you don't?
• This attitude of self-trust engenders others' trust in you. You may be wrong, but you are willing to find out, and thus grow from the experience.
• Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself.
• Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose.
• Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty.
• Tell her that you will spend 30 minutes (or some specific time) with her in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission.
• Time you spend with your woman should be time you really want to be with her more than anything else. If you'd rather be doing something else, she'll feel it. Both of you will be dissatisfied.
• In any given moment, a man's growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear. He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push far beyond his edge, stressing himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience.
• Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it. Rather, primary fear shows you that you are at your edge.
• A man's capacity to receive another man's direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy.
• About once a week, you should sit down with your closest men friends and discuss what you are doing in your life and what you are afraid of doing.
• And you must be willing to offer them your brutal honesty, in the same way, if you are all to grow. Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another.
• It's easy to feel disappointed by life; success is never as fulfilling as you think it is going to be.
• A man should, of course, be a full participant in caring for children and the household. But if he gives up his deepest purpose to do so, ultimately, everyone suffers.
• A woman often seems to test her man's capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose.
• A man should never think his woman's testing is going to end and his life will get easier. Rather, he should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness.
• The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine: imperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her.
• Of course she knows how much this moment of success means to you. This is precisely why she is negating it. Not because she wants to hurt you. But because she wants to feel Shiva.
• If your woman is weak, she may settle for a weak man, and therefore play into your need to feel like a good boy. But if she is a good woman, a strong woman, she won't tolerate your childish needs for a pat on the head, collecting bigger toys, and being king of the mountain.
• If you remain full and strong, humorous and happy, your truth unperturbed by her testing, then you pass the test.
• Now, she can relax and truly join in your jubilation, knowing you are not dependent on her praise for your happiness. It will last, perhaps, ten minutes. And then she will test you again.
• The most loving women are the women who will test you the most.
• In an emotional moment, what she says she is going to do is actually an expression of what she feels like doing in the moment. Her feelings, and therefore what she is actually going to do, could change in five minutes. It could change every five minutes.
• Don't believe the literal content of what your woman says unless love is flowing deeply and fully in the moment when she says it.
• The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely.
• Only the masculine side of your woman will grow through challenge. The feminine side thrives on support and praise. Telling her, "I love the shape of your body," will be much greater incentive for her to exercise than telling her, "I hope you don't gain any more weight."
• "You're so beautiful when you smile," is much more effective than, "You're so ugly when you frown," although they both indicate your desire for her smile.
• Instead of tolerating your woman's moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. It is your gift to give. Both of you will grow more by your giving than by your tolerating.
• The feminine's moods and opinions are like weather patterns. They are constantly changing, severe and gentle, and they have no single source.
• You are under the illusion that when you find out the cause of her affliction, then the cure will easily follow. But it doesn't work that way; your questioning is probably making her mood worse.
• First, give her love through your eyes, touch, movement, and tone of voice. Then and only then, after the connection of love has been made, find out what remains to be talked about.
• One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy (though not in business or simple friendship) is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything.
• Most men have made their women into swimming pools by continually treating them like men, talking with them about their feelings as if they can be analyzed to the point of "fixing" them.
• Soap operas, romance novels, and love stories touch many women deeply because the feminine's priority is the flow of love in relationship. But the masculine priority is purpose and direction.
• Basically, most men are afraid of, or disgusted by, feminine emotions. That's why you try to fix them or escape from them. "I'll come back later when you can act like a reasonable human being," you might say.
• Do whatever it takes to crack the shell of her closure, get your love inside that crack, and touch her heart.
• Your woman asks you for your input, and you say, "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." This is the statement of a friend, not a lover.
• Even on the most trivial decisions, never say, "Do whatever you want" If she asks you which shoes you think look better on her, make a decision, and tell her. Don't just say, "They're both nice." Say something like, "I like the red shoes, but what's most important to me is that you're happy."
• Masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Feminine men are attracted to masculine women. Balanced men are attracted to balanced women.
• A woman with a more feminine sexual essence will say she loves you one moment, and then, when you have done something you are not even aware of, she will say she hates you.
• Any man with a masculine sexual essence will desire sexual variety.
• The fact is you probably want to have sex with other women besides your intimate partner; how you respond to this fact is a reflection of your purpose in life.
• You actually feel happier around young women. You feel more energetic, alive, and loving. As women get older, they typically take on more and more masculine tasks and responsibilities in our culture, so their radiance begins to decrease.
• If you are a particularly easygoing man, perhaps a man who has difficulty getting motivated, then a hot woman is probably better for you. Her fiery nature can heat up your system and get you moving. On the other hand, if you tend to be quick tempered and hot yourself, you might find that a more cooling woman heals you and brings a balance to your body and psyche.
• When your life seems dreary and boring, a more spicy and hot woman will probably appeal to you. She will provide you with the fire you are missing. However, when your life is extremely challenging and you feel burnt out, a hot woman might be too much.
• In any case, it's important to realize that your needs for different kinds of energy will change throughout your life.
• It's important that, in the meantime, you don't mistake a changing energy need for a reason to end your marriage. It's also important to know that you can receive energy from different women in entirely non-sexual ways, if you so choose.
• A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn't want him. If she doesn't want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself.
• Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core.
• If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers—if she feels that the intimacy is more important to you than to her—then she will naturally animate her masculine.
• Sometimes a woman will make a request of her man in plain English, not to get him to do something, but to see if he is so weak that he will do it. In other words, she is testing his capacity to do what is right, not what she is asking for. In such cases, if the man does what his woman asks, she will be disappointed and angry.
• The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about.
• When she complains about financial issues, she is usually feeling a lack in your masculine capacity to direct your life with clarity, purpose, integrity, and wisdom. The money itself is secondary.
• The core of the feminine is energy or radiance. If she stops taking care of herself, if she becomes dull and drab, always tired and worn out, then she is unable to give you the feminine energy you desire in intimacy.
• A woman sometimes seems to want to be the most important thing in her man's life. However, if she is the most important thing, then she feels her man has made her the number one priority and is not fully dedicated or directed to divine growth and service.
• A man's track record means nothing to the feminine. A man could be perfect for ten years, but if he's an asshole for 30 seconds his woman acts like he's always been one.
• If you want your woman to be able to relax into her feminine and shine her natural radiance, then you must relieve her of the necessity to be in charge.
• If you have the slightest uncertainty or ambiguity about your financial future, your woman will feel it. You don't have to say anything about it.
• Among many other qualities, a woman wants the "killer" in her man. She is turned off if her man is afraid and wants her to kill the cockroach or the mouse while he stands on a chair and watches. She is turned off if her man wants her to get out of bed in order to check out the strange sounds in the house to find out if a burglar made the noise.
• if you are particularly turned off by her anger, she will seem to return, again and again, to the energy of anger.
• A lesser man might decide, "Well, she's going to have to deal with it herself." But she would not be in relationship with you if she wanted to deal with it herself.
• Men should support older women in the their wisdom, power, and intuitive and healing capacities. Men should not degrade older women by demanding or desiring them to be like young women.
• When a man denies his desire for the feminine, either by choice or due to familiarity, it is a sign of his depolarization even toward the world.
• And this is exactly what a mediocre man does: He stays with a woman and a project for as long as they interest him and turn him on. When the excitement seems to wear off, he moves on to another and then another hopeful source of polarity and excitement.
• Another man might find your woman to be quite a turn on even though she seems old-shoe to you. It may not be your woman who has worn out, but your capacity for desire.
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