•Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others’ perceptions of him than his perception of himself. A needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning approval from others.
• A man’s lack of need for attention and admiration is itself a magnet for attention and admiration.
• A needy man is constantly investing in the perceptions others have in him. He is being extra nice and friendly when he doesn’t want to be because he believes he must do this to be liked and loved.
• The highly needy man is constantly working to earn a woman’s approval, and a highly needy woman is constantly in need of a man’s approval.
• There are two ways for seduction to happen: 1) a man creates the perception that he is far less invested in her than he actually is (neediness disguised as non- neediness), and 2) a man actually is less invested in her (genuine non-neediness).
• Daniel’s story is a quintessential example of why pick up lines, routines, value tactics and the like are only short-term solutions.
• Take a moment to consider
That before meeting a woman, instead of worrying whether or not she will like you, you could wonder if you will like her.
That instead of feeling the need to impress her, you could wonder if she impresses you.
That instead of sitting there silently wondering what to say next to make her like you, you could sit there silently wondering what she will say to make you like her.
That instead of waiting around for her to call, you could find something else to do while she waits for your call.
That instead of worrying if you’re tall enough or good-looking enough or skinny enough, you could decide whether they’re too superficial to recognize your great qualities.
That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you for you doesn’t need a perfect date.
That instead of looking for a conversation she’ll enjoy, you could talk about something you enjoy and see if she takes interest.
That instead of looking for her approval, you could decide whether or not to give yours.
That instead of getting upset about why she doesn’t want to be with you, you could decide that it means you probably wouldn’t want to be with her.
• Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in dating people who are interested in dating you.
• Changing yourself to become who you want to be, not what you think women want you to be.
• Men who go narcissistic act like they’re more important than anybody else. They are aggressive, insensitive, and demanding. They are self-serving and don’t handle rejection or loss well. Some of these men even end up becoming abusive.
• To give an example, if a non-needy man meets a woman who rejects him or is not interested in him, he will assume that is was either an incompatibility or that it was just not the right situation. Either way, he will see it as the right thing to have happened. His life will go on.
• But when a narcissistic man is rejected, he becomes angry and hurt. He blames the woman for not seeing his greatness. He calls her stupid or selfish or shallow because she’s not willing to give him what he – a random guy talking to her – wants.
• Making yourself vulnerable doesn’t just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her.
• Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges. Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect.
• That first time you approach a woman at a party or offer your number, chances are you’re going to be freaking out. And if she doesn’t react well, it’s going to be quite painful. And that’s all right.
• We all have weaknesses, embarrassments, and vulnerabilities. A needy man is terrified to show them because he cares more about what others feel about him than what he feels about himself. A non-needy man is comfortable showing his flaws because he’s more comfortable with how he feels about himself than how others feel about him.
• If the emotion behind your words is needy and self-serving, then she will become turned off no matter what you say, even if you’re telling her the most personal or heartfelt story. If the emotion behind your words is genuine and vulnerable, then it will turn her on, even if you’re talking about your grocery list.
• They come up and gush to a woman about how amazing she is while they’ve only known her for 10 seconds. What this man is signaling to her is, “I don’t know you, but I’m already going to do anything to win your approval, that’s how desperate I am.” And it comes across as pathetic.
• A needy man will give a woman a compliment without knowing her and wait expectantly for her to repay him in either her company or with thanks or with sexual favors.
• If a beautiful woman says something that a needy man finds offensive, he’ll ignore it, change the topic, or withhold his true feelings. Hell, he might even pretend to go along with her for fear of making her upset.
• But a non-needy man will tell her what she just said was offensive. He won’t be an asshole about it. He will simply draw a line in the sand, “I don’t like stuff like that,” and she can choose to step across it or not.
• If a woman says she needs to leave a date after 30 minutes, he will not try to trick her into staying or beg her to come back, he will not yell at her or lecture her on manners. He will smile and say, “Nice meeting you,” and let it go.
• I would have said to her, “Let me know when you’d like to get together again. If you’re not interested, that’s fine too.”
• No matter how you behave or what you’re into, the majority of women out there at any given time are simply not going to be interested or emotionally available to you. Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are.
• Ask yourself this: why would you want to be intimate with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Why would you ever settle for such a person? Because she's hot? Come on, have a little more self-respect. Have some higher standards.If you don’t find a woman attractive, don’t hit on her, don’t ask her out, don’t do anything.
• We can divide up all of the women you’re attracted to into three categories: Receptive, Neutral and Unreceptive.
• The way to tell if a woman is Unreceptive is if she repeatedly does not reciprocate your signs of interest and/or shows you signs of disinterest. If you invite her out for coffee and she keeps making excuses to why she can’t, then she’s Unreceptive. If you call her three times and she never calls back, then she is Unreceptive. If you chat her up and she explains that she is busy and wants to be alone, then she is Unreceptive. If you hang out with her and she talks about how frustrated she is with her boyfriend and how you’re such a good listener, then she’s Unreceptive.
• Many men waste a lot of time convincing themselves that Unreceptive women may actually like them. A good rule of thumb here is, “if you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
• The next category is Neutral.The important thing to know is that women do not ever stay in this category. They eventually polarize one way or the other.
• Neutral women are generally just that, neutral. They will not necessarily turn down your offers, but they won’t offer or reciprocate themselves. The jury’s still out.
• The goal with Neutral women is to polarize them through your words and behaviors. This may mean flirting with them or teasing them. It may mean asking her on a date. It may be as simple as smiling at her from across the room. Whatever it is, the goal with Neutral women is to take an action that forces her to make a decision about how she feels about you.
• If you leave her to her neutrality, she will usually become Unreceptive and not see you as dating material.
• You can recognize women who are Receptive in two ways: 1) they initiate with you, and/or 2) they reciprocate your actions enthusiastically.Some examples of a woman initiating with you:
She makes strong eye contact with you and doesn’t break it.
- She approaches you.
- She touches you unprovoked.
- She asks for your number or invites you out with her/her friends.
- She asks you a lot of questions about yourself and seems genuinely interested in you.
- She introduces you to her friends.
- She gives you her number.
- She comes up with some excuse/story/reason for you to hang out with her or spend time with her.
- She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you.
- She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say.
- When you touch her, she touches you in return.
- When you put your arm around her, she leans into you.
- When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return.
- When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you.
• The goal with Unreceptive women is to identify them and move on as quickly as possible. They’re time sinks. You’re almost never going to change the mind of an Unreceptive woman, and even when you do it’s often not worth the effort.
• I don’t care how special you think she is, there’s another one out there who’s just as special who will be Receptive to you.
• The Friend Zone occurs when a woman has categorized you as a friend and not a potential lover. For women, these categories are almost always mutually exclusive. A man is either a friend, or a potential sexual partner, but rarely both. There are exceptions, but they are rare. Once inside of it, the Friend Zone is almost impossible to get out.
• The Friend Zone typically occurs when a man meets a Receptive or Neutral woman but never makes a move or expresses his interest. Instead, he behaves pleasantly, like a good friend would. In his mind, this is great because it means she likes talking to him, laughs at his jokes, etc. But because he’s withholding his sexual interest, he’s placing himself in her mind firmly in the “friend” camp.
• Typically, if men have been friends with a woman for even a month or two without ever explicitly indicating their sexual interest in her, it’s likely too late.
• If a woman is married or has a boyfriend and seems pretty happy in general and is flirting with me, then I don’t take the flirting too seriously.
• Women who have boyfriends/husbands who are willing to cheat on them, don’t bring up their boyfriends/husbands... almost ever.
• When you meet a Receptive woman, the goal is simple. You escalate. You make a move. You move things forward —assuming you want to, of course.
• The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women.
• The beauty is that whether she falls in love with you on the spot or she throws a drink in your face… you’ve succeeded. You’ve found out the truth. Your curiosity is fulfilled and you can now decide whether you should move on or not.
• If you are broke, live with your parents, and have no job, then being encouraged to spend all of your time and money out in nightclubs is only going to get you a bunch of meaningless sex with mediocre drunk girls who have no better options.
• If you’re a successful professional who likes fine wine, studied abroad and dresses well, chances are the type of women you’re going to naturally meet and attract in your everyday life are going to be similarly educated, similar looking women with similar interests and similar success.
• If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’s not going to go anywhere. Period.
• If you love dancing or different types of music, then chances are the women you’re going to meet at various dance events and concerts are going to be more compatible with you and you’re going to have much more success with them.
• If you’re condescending and treat a woman like she’s a child who can’t make any decisions for herself, then she will act like a spoiled child and stop making any decisions for herself.
• The main reason is that studies have also found that women judge a man’s status far less on actual physical dimensions and far more on style, grooming, and how men present themselves.
• Taking a man from a baggy beer T-shirt and ill-fitted jeans to a nice suit with a professional haircut will immediately bump him up 50% in the looks department overnight.
• But the fact remains that women perceive men with money the same way we perceive women with good looks: as social status.
• You should be as good-looking as you can possibly be. And you should be as financially successful as you can possibly be.
• The more money/looks/success you have, the less attractive behavior you need. The less money/looks/success you have, the more attractive behavior you need.
• If you are that man who walks into a room and everybody stops what they are doing to talk to you, then the women in the room are more likely to perceive you as high status and be attracted to you. Or if you’re a man with whom multiple women are flirting, then it’s going to incite even more women to begin flirting with you.
• The first and obvious step involves grooming and general maintenance. That means regular showering, shaving and haircuts, wearing deodorant, brushing and flossing your teeth, keeping clean fingernails, and wearing clean clothes.
• You can have the nicest, most expensive clothes in the world, but if they don’t fit well you’ll look like a clown.
• Good female friends are good assets if you’re clueless about shopping, sizes, and what looks good on you. They can educate you and give you an unbiased female opinion on what looks hot on you and what doesn’t.
• You’ll catch people making eye contact with you. You’ll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them.
• Another problem men have is they often talk too quickly. This comes from a subconscious belief that if we don’t get everything out quickly, people won’t listen to everything we have to say. This is a needy behavior.
• An attractive man with depth and character is a man who has opinions and openly expresses those opinions.
• For instance, a random Joe may say, “I really liked Terminator. It was pretty cool.” A more interesting person may say, “Terminator was great. But what’s more interesting to me is that it was the first movie I can remember in which you ended up rooting for the villain.”
• If a guy gets too accustomed to the perfectionism of porn, he’s going to have a lot more trouble becoming motivated by the girls he sees every day.
• It also explains why women seem to complain about guys hitting on them or about guys being creepy — they have to reject them, and rejecting someone is generally an unpleasant or uncomfortable experience.
• They’re just as lonely and frustrated as we are. They want to meet a man. But not just any man, a great man — a man who is confident, charming, fun, and interesting.That women at the party, in the coffee shop, on the dating site, they want you to be that unbelievably attractive man, that man who makes time stop for them and can make them feel things they’ve never felt before.
• The next time you make your move, when she sees you coming —and trust me, she usually sees you coming — know that she’s already rooting for you. Secretly, she wants you to succeed as much as you do. And for a moment, she’s your biggest fan.
• Teasing is done with a fun and positive intention. Insults are done with a negative intention.
• Bad body language, strange conversation topics, uncalibrated humor, inappropriate touching — these things can all make you creepy even with the best of intentions. This is why I say that at some point you have to accept that you’re going to creep some women out and that’s OK.
• This is why most dating advice in western culture, to both men and women, encourages you to send mixed messages, “play hard to get,” or play games with one another.
• Instead of just saying, “I really like Empire of the Sun,” you can expand and talk about why you like Empire of the Sun.
• Typical ways guys startle or scare women upon the approach are by approaching them from behind (huge no-no), grabbing them violently, screaming at them, or saying something offensive or weird.
• A comfortable smile. Lean back. Stand up tall. Speak loudly yet clearly. Make strong eye contact. Introduce yourself and stick out your hand. Give a firm handshake. This is called being a confident human being.
• Using effective language means saying what you mean with the fewest words possible while still maintaining your meaning and intent.
• Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions.
• I love olives in my drink. When I was a kid I used to eat them straight out of the jar,” is far more interesting than, “Do you like olives in your drink?” and waiting for her response.
• Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples: “Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”
• It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.
• As I mentioned earlier, whoever is asking the questions is sub-communicating a desire to learn more about the other, i.e., interest, i.e., they’re attracted to them.
• Sometimes your jokes will fall flat, particularly when you’re starting out. That’s OK. Don’t laugh at yourself. Don’t make fun of yourself. Don’t try to explain the joke.
• Sometimes girls will genuinely be offended or sensitive to teasing and not react well. Make a point to spot these women and let the teasing go. Generally women who don’t enjoy being teased really appreciate genuine compliments, so I switch it up.
• Only ask a woman for her phone number if she seems genuinely attracted and interested in you.
• When you ask her for her phone number, don’t come up with a fancy line or make up a reason. Just ask her for it.
• My policy with flakes is “Three strikes you’re out.” If a woman flakes once, I’ll try her a second time. If she doesn’t respond the second time, I may or may not give it a third shot, but typically if I do, I don’t put much effort into the third attempt. Often I will only try a woman once or twice. If there’s still nothing after the third attempt, I move on.
• - I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.” That’s it.
• From there, I usually wait another day or so and start a text conversation. I like to reference a conversation we had when we met in this text to try and keep some continuity.
• I have to say this again: don’t get fancy or cute in your texts. Texting is, in general, an awful medium for communication.
• I tell guys that I only use texting to organize when she and I are going to see each other next.
• Don’t do lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if possible. Just don’t do it.
• Absolutely no movie dates for first or second dates. Movie dates are terrible. You don’t get to talk, you sit awkwardly next to each other, Avoid dinner dates if at all possible. They’re cliché.
• Chances are if she wants to hang out with her friend with you, then it’s no longer a date. Finally, you should find venues and activities that are close to either your place or her place.Include dancing if at all possible, as it’s the most sexual date activity you can have.
• Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again.
• Learn about her past, her passions, her dreams, what her favorite things are. At the same time, you don’t want to turn this into a job interview.
• These days, most women will offer to pay out of politeness, but you’re supposed to turn them down because it’s the gentleman thing to do,pay unless she physically pulls out her wallet/credit card and stops you. Until she physically does that, just pay.
• Getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, is ultimately the difference between having a lot of female friends, and having a lot of girlfriends and dates.
• If she’s looking at you even 10% more than the average stranger, then she’s at least somewhat curious/interested in you.
• Smiling: If eye contact means she’s interested, this means “you better come talk to me!”. If a woman approaches you, even if it’s to ask the time, about the weather, for directions, or whatever, chances are she has some interest in talking to you.
• Excessive Smiling/Laughing: This is subjective and will require some judgment, but sometimes you will notice one girl smiling and laughing a lot more than others when you speak. Chances are she likes you.
• Flipping or Playing with Her Hair: Classic signal of flirtation and often done unconsciously.
• Pay attention to where she positions herself while talking to you. If it’s slightly within your bubble of personal space that probably indicates she’s interested in getting physical with you.
• Most women, if they don’t like you, will drop you like a hot potato when their friends come around. But if she ignores her friends or stays with you, that’s a clear indication that she likes you.
• She suddenly she says, “let’s take a walk around the block, it’s noisy in here,” she’s purposely isolating herself with me as much as possible. This typically means she wants to be kissed.
• So, in general, it’s safe to assume that anytime you think you could kiss her, you probably already could have. A lot of kissing revolves around how you use your hands as well. Your hands should be roaming her body gently, caressing her back, gently holding her neck, pulling her hips into yours.
• Don’t ever ask, “Is this OK? Do you want to do X?” Just do it and stop later if she doesn’t like it and apologize.
• Typically, women become more invested after sex and men become less invested after sex. The power of choice that the woman had (whether to have sex or not) now usually switches over to the man (whether to commit or not).
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