1 "If You Want To Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over The Beehive"
• Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
• When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
• Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be under-standing and forgiving.
• Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
2 - The Big Secret Of Dealing With People
• There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.
• We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their selfesteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.
• In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.
• Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3 - "He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way"
• So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
• Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"
• "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
• Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why? Because they are always thinking only of what they want.
• And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won't need to sell us. We'll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying - not being sold.
• The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.
• In a Nutshell Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
• Principle 1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain. • Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Part Two - Ways To Make People Like You
1 Do This And You'll Be Welcome Anywhere
• You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
• People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner.
• All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne - all of us like people who admire us.
• If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say "Hello" in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operatars to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.
2 - A Simple Way To Make A Good First Impression
• Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.
• You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
• Two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige - and yet one may be miserable and the other happy. Why? Because of a different mental attitude.
• Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.
3 - If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble
• The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it - and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
• This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie's leadership.
• Half the time we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes and can't even remember his or her name by the time we say goodbye.
• The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.
4 - An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist
• And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk.
• Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
• Many people fail to make a favorable impression because they don't listen attentively. "They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open.
• Lincoln hadn't wanted advice, He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself. That's what we all want when we are in trouble.
• To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
5 - How To Interest People
• Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
• Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties.
6 - How To Make People Like You Instantly
• Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.
• Remember what Emerson said: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."
• In a Nutshell - Six Ways To Make People Like You
• Principle 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Principle 2 - Smile.
• Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
• Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.
Part Three - How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
1 You Can't Win An Argument
• I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument -and that is to avoid it.
• If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.
• Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
• Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers.
•Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
• When one yells, the other should listen-because when two people yell, there is no communication,just noise and bad vibrations.
2 - A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To Avoid It
• Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and-so to you." That's bad. That's tantamount to saying: "I'm smarter than you are, I'm going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind."
• You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself. Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
• If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong - yes, even that you know is wrong - isn't it better to begin by saying: "Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let's examine the facts."
• There's magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: "I may be wrong.
• It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.
• Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgment, rather than an understanding of it.
• When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness.
3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It
• If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?
• Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say - and say them before that person has a chance to say them.
4 - A Drop Of Honey
• So with men, if you would win a man to you cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
5 - The Secret Of Socrates
• When you have said "No," all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. You may later feel that the "No" was ill-advised; nevertheless, there is your precious pride to consider! Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it.
• Hence the more "Yeses" we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
• Get a student to say "No" at the beginning, or a customer, child, husband, or wife, and it takes the wisdom and the patience of angels to transform that bristling negative into an affirmative.
6 - The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints
• Must people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
• If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don't. It is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.
• He showed an interest in the other person and his problems. He encouraged the other person to do most of the talking - and made a favorable impression.
• Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.
• Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they - or at least some of them - will feel inferior and envious.
7 - How To Get Cooperation
• Don't you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn't it bad judgment to try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people? Isn't it wiser to make suggestions - and let the other person think out the conclusion?
• No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-thing or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.
• Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well.
8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You
• Cooperativeeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person's ideas and feelings as important as your own.
9 - What Everybody Wants
• "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do." An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive.
• Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
• The way to get things done," say Schwab, "is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel."
• That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win.
• In A Nutshell - Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
• Principle 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Principle 2 Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
• Principle 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Principle 4 Begin in a friendly way.
• Principle 5 Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
• Principle 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Principle 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• Principle 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
• Principle 9 Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
• Principle 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.
• Principle 11 Dramatize your ideas.
• Principle 12 Throw down a challenge.
Part Four - Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1 - If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way To Begin
• Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is painkilling.
2 - How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It
• Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better."
• Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word "but." He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure.
• This could be easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "and." "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raiseing your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others."
• Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no followup of an inference of failure.
3 - Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
• It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
4 - No One Likes To Take Orders
• Owen D. Young never said, for example, "Do this or do that," or "Don't do this or don't do that." He would say, "You might consider this," or "Do you think that would work?"
• A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.Success
6 - How To Spur People On To Success
• "Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise."
• Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.
• Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
8 - Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct
• Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve.
• But use the opposite technique - be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
9 - Making People Glad To Do What You Want
• Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
• Ben Franklin has been dead now for a hundred and fifty years, but the psychology that he used, the psychology of asking the other man to do you a favour, goes marching right on.
• Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
• In A Nutshell
• Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Principle 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
• Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Principle 5 - Let the other person save face.
• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
• Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
• Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Seven Rules for Making Your Home Life Happier
• "Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person."
• So, if you want to keep your home life happy, remember Rule Don't criticize.
• Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to look well and dress becomingly.
• The men who are reading these lines can't remember what suits or shirts they wore five years ago, and they haven't the remotest desire to remember them. But women—they are different,
• And while you're about it, don't be afraid to let her know how important she is to your happiness.
• Why wait until your wife goes to the hospital to give her a few flowers? Why not bring her a few roses tomorrow night? You like to experiment. Try it. See what happens.
• Women attach a lot of importance to birthdays and anniversaries.
• Too many men underestimate the value of these small, everyday attentions. Breakfast in bed, for instance, is one of those amiable dissipations a greater number of women should be indulged in. Breakfast in bed to a woman does much the same thing as a private club for a man."
• In Holland you leave your shoes outside on the doorstep before you enter the house. By the Lord Harry, we could learn a lesson from the Dutch and shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes.
• The average man who is happily married is happier by far than the genius who lives in solitude.
• Sentimental reticence must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectively and with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There is no way in which this ability can be better acquired than through a book of sound learning and good taste.
• Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me most satisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriage by Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; The Sex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright.
Comments
Post a Comment